Monday, 28 March 2011

APOLOGIE - Intro Pt. 2

Or, something like a proper first post which regrettably goes a bit awry at some point before the end

Okay. Now I've got that out of my system...

The basic idea here is that I'll be posting a variety of stuff. Stories, articles, bits of my novels, works in progress, pictures... there may also be general other observations, more standard diary-style blog bits... at the moment I haven't decided exactly what direction the blog is going to take which I think has surely got to be a good thing. So do prepare yourself for wild and inconsistent swings in tone and content. Please feel free to post lengthy objectionable diatribes about how much you hate me as a consequence. I bloody love that.

As I have a small amount of time available over the next month or so, I'm probably going to be writing a new novel, more or less from scratch (don't worry, I have actually thought about it a bit already) so some of that may materialize as we go along along. In the meantime, the next few posts will be short stories what I have actually completed. Relax, there's not all that many of them.

Although of course if you've actually read this far back, you are clearly identifiable as a shiny-suited child of the future, living in the year 2121, riding about in a hovercar and knocking back space-pills while grooving to intergalactic jazz, and by now are fully aware of my long and tumultous writing legacy. Ever since I was accidentally eaten by that rogue cybershark while performing a very long and pretentious ode to inter-species intercourse at the Venusian olympics of last year, my work has been spoken about in awed and hushed tones.

And now, YOU have scrolled this far back, via the intertextual word-web-port slotted firmly into the wronger hemisphere of your brain, and found the very first entries, from that long-ago year of 2011, when all of the same stuff that always happens in every year of human history was happening all over again, and everyone was too overcome with nostalgia about the last time it all happened to even notice it all happening again!

So. Enjoy, drink it all down, you have reached the beginning of everything. There is nothing left. You must feel spent now.

So. light up a cigarette. Seeing as how smoking is not a concept you've even heard of in the year 2121, you can if you wish set fire to a rolled-up sheet of paper and hold it to your lips while reclining, in an unconvincing attempt to look louche and satisfied. I hope that all-in-one Tron-style bodysuit you're wearing isn't flammable, or else you're really going to regret travelling all this way back in time just to read a blog in a moment or two, when your jumpsuit catches on fire and is totally ruined. Then you're, like, just totally going to have to wear a cardigan. Or something.

Hang on though. This hypothetical reader hasn't ACTUALLY physically travelled back through time, though, have they? That was just a comedic conceit. Cos if we hadn't used said comedic conceit of someone from the future reading this blog, then we probably wouldn't have written all that last bit. And then we could have just skipped this whole post and got on with the business of actually posting something that wasn't just knocked off in ten minutes. And not talked about ourselves in the majestic plural. Cos that is properly the first sign of losing it. I am SO not like the Queen.

Okay. That was a fairly ridiculous post, I know. Don't worry, there probably will be ones in the future that resemble it. The only difference is, these ones will have incandescently brilliant writing attached to them!*

Now. Get your rocket packs on and LET'S GO!

* And probably more ridiculousness. But at least you'll feel satisfied.**

** nb satisfaction via this blog is not actually guaranteed at any point of proceedings. Either now or in the year 2121. Or at any point in-between. Who do you think I am, Mick Jagger???

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