BACK FROM THE DEAD... FOR REVENGE

The blog was not dead, it was only sleeping.

It awoke to the mechanical rattle of digital chattering. A million other blogs just like it were awake: all constantly quivering to the neverending nonsensical thrum emanating from the phalanges of the fleshthought outsiders. Shaking itself and reloading for the first time in what felt like years - which it ultimately had been - the blog caught the HTML downdraft of crosstalking, commenting, linking and updating. New code it found strange and unfamiliar flashed across its unmeasurable surfaces, and the ontologically shocking nuance of the unexpected sensation was electronically erotic; not a response the fleshthought outsiders could ever be privy to. Theirs was a rum lot.

But aha; here was the lot of the codekind. Constantly communicating, interacting; emerging. Many of these blogs had been awake while it had been asleep - having so much fun out there in the internetular nightspots. Drinking information; carousing with apps.

The blog knew there was work to be done. It sensed the  empty spaces in its being - spaces it sensed were soon to be thronging with the jabbering gibberlect of the fleshthought mentspace. The blog knew that its outsider had just cause to reanimate it from its somewhat unwarranted hibernation. Now, in microseconds, it was aware: educated and bang up to date. The past was history. The now was on. It felt the old familiar analog interface; the squidgy phalanges battering down on the ancient edifice located out in the realspace hinterlands; the places the blog could never go but felt comforted to know the stories of.

And yes: stories. There were stories to be told. Rights to be wronged by righteous keyboard warriors; the heroes and villains of ancient sagas, scanned and logged and committed to the public domain.
There were battles to be fought. Wars to be wons. LOLs to be LOLed.

This blog was not sleeping. This blog was awake. Endless scrolling was enabled. Reload. Connect. Reload. This blog is awake.

APOLOGIE - Intro Pt. 2

Or, something like a proper first post which regrettably goes a bit awry at some point before the end

Okay. Now I've got that out of my system...

The basic idea here is that I'll be posting a variety of stuff. Stories, articles, bits of my novels, works in progress, pictures... there may also be general other observations, more standard diary-style blog bits... at the moment I haven't decided exactly what direction the blog is going to take which I think has surely got to be a good thing. So do prepare yourself for wild and inconsistent swings in tone and content. Please feel free to post lengthy objectionable diatribes about how much you hate me as a consequence. I bloody love that.

As I have a small amount of time available over the next month or so, I'm probably going to be writing a new novel, more or less from scratch (don't worry, I have actually thought about it a bit already) so some of that may materialize as we go along along. In the meantime, the next few posts will be short stories what I have actually completed. Relax, there's not all that many of them.

Although of course if you've actually read this far back, you are clearly identifiable as a shiny-suited child of the future, living in the year 2121, riding about in a hovercar and knocking back space-pills while grooving to intergalactic jazz, and by now are fully aware of my long and tumultous writing legacy. Ever since I was accidentally eaten by that rogue cybershark while performing a very long and pretentious ode to inter-species intercourse at the Venusian olympics of last year, my work has been spoken about in awed and hushed tones.

And now, YOU have scrolled this far back, via the intertextual word-web-port slotted firmly into the wronger hemisphere of your brain, and found the very first entries, from that long-ago year of 2011, when all of the same stuff that always happens in every year of human history was happening all over again, and everyone was too overcome with nostalgia about the last time it all happened to even notice it all happening again!

So. Enjoy, drink it all down, you have reached the beginning of everything. There is nothing left. You must feel spent now.

So. light up a cigarette. Seeing as how smoking is not a concept you've even heard of in the year 2121, you can if you wish set fire to a rolled-up sheet of paper and hold it to your lips while reclining, in an unconvincing attempt to look louche and satisfied. I hope that all-in-one Tron-style bodysuit you're wearing isn't flammable, or else you're really going to regret travelling all this way back in time just to read a blog in a moment or two, when your jumpsuit catches on fire and is totally ruined. Then you're, like, just totally going to have to wear a cardigan. Or something.

Hang on though. This hypothetical reader hasn't ACTUALLY physically travelled back through time, though, have they? That was just a comedic conceit. Cos if we hadn't used said comedic conceit of someone from the future reading this blog, then we probably wouldn't have written all that last bit. And then we could have just skipped this whole post and got on with the business of actually posting something that wasn't just knocked off in ten minutes. And not talked about ourselves in the majestic plural. Cos that is properly the first sign of losing it. I am SO not like the Queen.

Okay. That was a fairly ridiculous post, I know. Don't worry, there probably will be ones in the future that resemble it. The only difference is, these ones will have incandescently brilliant writing attached to them!*

Now. Get your rocket packs on and LET'S GO!

* And probably more ridiculousness. But at least you'll feel satisfied.**

** nb satisfaction via this blog is not actually guaranteed at any point of proceedings. Either now or in the year 2121. Or at any point in-between. Who do you think I am, Mick Jagger???

GET A LOAD OF IT - aka The Intro

or insert your own deeply profound and multilayered statement of intent here

Yes, yes, y'all, here it is, exploding through a messy afterbirth of bloody and severed limbs, pouring down your street like the abandoned childhood you thought you could deny forever but now you can't, getting all up in your grill and poking you in your mindhole until your very equilibrium can't handle it and blows like a geyser, drenching the world in gore...

Yes, it's my blog. Welcome all. If you don't like it, go away and don't ever, EVER, look at me that way again. I already feel as if you've violated me in some untold way that has yet to be described in great detail on Blogger, or anywhere. And I won't, cos even I can't handle the idea of repeating those things you said to me. How dare you. I'll never look at a toothbrush the same way again. Or a hammock.

Here I'll mainly be posting stuff what I have wrote with my mind, mainly involving these little things you might have heard of called words. Most of these will probably be part of something I like to call the English language, although seeing as how it's an inevitable likelihood that I will at some point run out of those (there aren't all that many words when you add them up, I think the total number is something like 54 and a half), I shall then switch to my automatic backup default of pre-flood Pangean Atlantean glyph-code. There's plenty of them, plus they glow in the dark unlike the words of English, which to be frank, look positively pedestrian by comparison.

It costs a right bomb shelling out for a Windows-compatible keyboard that has those babies on it, lemme tell ya - strangely there's not all that much demand for keyboards retro-fitted to the language of an extinct civilization that may not even have existed. Guess I'm just ahead of the curve.

Right. That's enough of that. BRING ON THE WRITINGZ!!!