Saturday, 23 January 2016

A Clean Break

So were all at the party and everyones having a right laugh. Gus has drank all of the beer, which is no surprise. So Tahir breaks out the whisky. I dont even drink whisky. So of course, like a normal person, I decide to have a little bit of whisky.

Its about now that I start to wonder what Im doing in the ambulance. Theyre taking me somewhere, right? Are we going back to Stirling? We must be - surely. Thats what I told them. We cant still be in Edinburgh. That would be ridiculous.

Theres all these posters on the walls saying stuff about your health and how you should look out for it. Diagrams and cross-sections of bodies. Parties are bad for you. Its strangely upsetting. The main one I notice seems all alive, like some three-dimensional hologram. A baby in the womb. I think it was kind of cartoony - like, this babys happy about the fact it hasn’t been born yet. In my confused state, Im saying all these things to whoevers wheeling me along the corridor: stuff about how sad it is for the baby that it has to be born at all. Im just talking at this stage. My mind feels divorced from my body. Like someone else is talking through me, trying to rationalize whats going on. Im probably in shock. Is that what happens when youre in shock? I thought maybe you went all quiet. Well, anyway. I was doing the opposite.

The weird thing about hospitals, I find, is how dark they are. I think its to do with the strip-lighting? Theyve got, like, millions of lights but theres these strange shadows everywhere. In all the corners. Maybe thats just at night though.

So they keep telling me to relax: everythings fine. They sound like police. I just keep apologizing. Im sorry for wasting everyones time, they must have tons more important stuff to do tonight, sorry for being an idiot. I was just leaving the party - and next thing you know, Im at the bottom of the stairwell! So I mustve fallen and tried to get back up again - and the leg wasnt working so I fell down again! I mustve been trying to find my way out of the stairwell and someone found me. So Im saying sorry for all that. Sorry for the baby. I mustve sounded like a complete fucking lunatic.

A nurse is x-raying my ankle. Actually, she does both cos I dont think Ive managed to make it clear which one of them I think Ive broken. They do that weird thing where they half step out of the room holding onto the button, so they dont get killed by radiation. The baby.

So, yeah, it was a crazy night all right. Luckily it was a clean break. They put the plaster on: a little work of art. But you know all about that.

After all the drinking. After the crash. The baby.

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